Its just so Hard to Trust Again{{Shane}}

[beatrix]

After traveling for a few days with her younger sister Lillian Beatrix and Lillian found other survivors in Atlanta and some of them seemed nice and all while other's just seemed like they were up to something and Beatrix didn't trust them what so ever. All she wanted was to keep her sister safe and she knew that she could o it without the help of these people, but of course they had only been with these other camper's for a day now and all but she had no idea if she would be willing to stay longer since they had food and everything that is needed to survive.

Beatrix walked around the area while keeping a keen eye on her little sister. She swore if anything happened to her then all hell would break loose. She had to protect her no matter what even if that meant leaving people who got attached to her sister behind like when she told her that little white lie about the men they were with in Texas. It worked and now they were far away from them and they would never be able to find them which was a good feeling because she had no interest in trusting them with their life all it would do would bring misery and that was something that she did not want at all in her life.

She took a stroll through the woods just looking for anything that seemed interesting. She had brought the only thing that she had carried with her sister the outbreak had occurred her journal which was her only company when she was talking with her sister. She would write about what the days carried and how her only mission was to make sure nothing hurt her sister and how it was her only duty to protect her from those monstrous things that use to be human.

Beatrix found herself a sturdy rock and sat on it. This was a quiet spot for her to sit at and she liked that. It was peaceful in the woods and she didn't have to worry about something popping out from no where. She hadn't drifted that far from camp she was pretty much a minute away and besides it wasn't like any walker's were going to appear just yet anyways and she felt safe in this spot. She opened up her journal to a blank page and began to write.

Dear Journal,
I am writing to you because i am in a new area with my baby sister. The people here seem nice and all but i just can't seem to shake a feeling that they aren't truly who they say they are and that well something bad might happen to Lillian. I do not want to see my sister hurt, and i don't understand why this outbreak of zombies had to happen anyways? Is everyone on this planet that are still known as the living getting punished? Well that i will have to figure out for myself i guess....

She closed up her journal and looked around the empty woods and just sighed unsure of how her life would have became so complicated in the first place but this was how it looked now.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane was feeling like Mother Teresa today, he had helped get water from the lake and helped with the purification process. Now he was handing out water bottles and jugs to tired and crabby camp members, oh the joy. Then he helped in passing out supplies and other items. He was in such a good mood for a change that when someone complained about something he would just smile and tell them to take it up with Rick or Glenn. Shane was also glad he was not the only one having a hard time with people and he was also real glad that he wasn’t the one that got to take some goods to the resident redneck.

When the work was done he realized he had missed one, a young girl who hadn’t been with them long or very social with the other girls or woman. Shane stood looking around with his hands on his hips and his brows furrowed. One of the women passing by his stopped and asked what was wrong, that he looked like he lost his puppy. Shane gave a laugh and shook his head, “Nah, it’s just… Have you seen a young girl around 13? She came to camp not long ago with her sister that’s much younger than her.” The woman thought and shrugged, “Check the woods. She could have gone off to be alone.”

”Yeah, I was afraid of that. Well better go find her.” The woman watched Shane pick up a few bottles of water and wonder off into the woods with his rifle slung across his back in case he needed it. Never knew what you find in the woods, could be anything from wild cat to redneck. Shane tried to be silent just in case there was something hidden in the woods. After wondering around a little he stumbled across the little spot where the girl was sitting. ”Hey miss, what are you doing out here?” Shane crossed his arms and cocked his head slightly while watching the girl. He just didn’t understand little girls or children that felt the need to run off.

He kept his distance, he didn’t know how she would react to him, he was on her time now and he knew from experience that little girls where just as unpredictable as big girls.


(ooc note: sorry it bites lol)

[beatrix]

Looking at her journal with a stare of sadness. This was a peaceful spot for her and she liked it. She felt like she would be able to protect herself even though in reality there would be no way that she could manage that not even with a stick. A walker would just come up and nibble on her, but it wasn't like she was that far from camp and if she had to she would let out a few treacherous screams and someone would shoot a walker dead on. She liked her quiet time and didn't have to worry about other people bugging her.

Beatrix began to hear walking behind her. At first she thought it would be a walker but no she was wrong. She turned around and saw a man with a gun on his shoulder. She had heard that he was the man that seemed in charge of camp and also heard that he had beaten a man down by a lake once. All she knew was that he was pretty brave for those actions and all, but there was no way she wanted to speak to him and let him understand her besides he was a stranger and she didn't trust anyone that she had no intentions of knowing.

She heard him ask her a question, she thought for a moment on what to say to him. She didn't want to sound foolish and tell him she went away from the rest of the group because she could protect herself because if that was true her sister and her would not be with these people. "I was writing in my journal." She responded back to him and her eye's looked down at the autumn leaves. She wasn't sure if she should say anything else or if she would be better off with her lips closed. "I hate it here.." She randomly said but she did. She wanted to be independent and not have to rely on others for support. She could take care of her sister and herself perfectly fine.

Beatrix crossed her arms and looked at him. At least she knew that someone was looking out for her, but why would they? She was a 13 year old girl with no parents and a little sister. Why would anyone worry about where she was anyways. "Am i in trouble or something? Was i suppose to tell you that i wanted to go write in my journal?" She asked as she looked up at him with blue puppy eye's.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane could tell she was troubled, he could see it in her body language and in the way she looked at him and in the way she spoke to him. Shane’s expression softened a lot more than he meant for it too. He looked at her and then looked around the woods before leaning back against a tree. He thought of what to say and how to say it. He wasn’t used to talking to little girls, he was really only used to dealing with Carl and it had been some time since he had been allowed near the boy. Shane decided to take a chance and speak.

”Yeah, we all do. We are all just trying to do the best we can with what we have. Tell the truth, I don’t trust half of the people in the camp myself, but just how I can be.” Shane stopped, did he really just say that?! ”Nah, you’re not in trouble.” Shane gave her a calm smile before going on, “Well maybe not me, but it helps if you let someone know where you’re going. You don’t have to tell anyone, just do what a lot of us do, leave a note or something. The worst someone can tell you is to, uh, stay close to the camp and scream if you see anything.”

He paused a bit watching her, he glanced at her journal and then back at her face. ”But you don’t need me to tell you that. A smart girl like you would know that, that’s why you’re not that far from camp and if anything happened we would hear you and come for you. I just thought maybe you might like some clean water.” Shane nodded to the blue bag next to his feet. It was a cooler and a lunch bag, whatever you need it for really.

Shane couldn’t help but think how much easier it was to talk to her than he thought it would have been, yet he was afraid that he was pressing his luck. All he wanted was for her and her sister to feel safe with them and if not trust them then to at least use them for what they were here for, help.

[beatrix]

This was the first time Beatrix was actually feeling safe around someone. The guy from camp that seemed to be the leader of the group was growing on her just by him speaking and telling her how he felt and it was pretty odd since he felt like he couldn't trust anyone either. She had never heard someone open up that quickly to anyone and that fact that he opened up to Beatrix was a surprise, but at least that showed that there might be trust between them maybe.

She looked up at him and what he just said made her day in a way and she wasn't sure on how to respond to what he just said so instead of speaking she smiled at him and nodded her little head, but instead of keeping her mouth shut she had to say something. "So you don't really trust any of those people even though your out protecting them?" Beatrix asked him. She just didn't understand why someone would protect someone else that they didn't trust but she didn't want to get way into this conversation she also wanted to write some more in her. "Yes I'll make sure i scream for ice cream when i see a walker." She let out another chuckle and laughed. Even though it wouldn't really be that funny if a walker did appear and then.

She cocked an eyebrow and looked at him. He called her smart that was a first too. She was use to people telling her baby sister how smart she was, and also how strange she was to but Beatrix smart? She was more independent than smart and she was the creative one out of the sister's."I think you have got me mistaken for my baby sis sir. I mean she is the smart rather brilliant one while here i am the creative independent one that doesn't like to stay in one place for to long because you never know when Walker's are going to appear out of no where." She added as her eye's widened.

She cringed her neck and heard him say clean water. She knew that she could never be to protective but at the same time someone could of poisoned the water hole. "Is that really clean water? Or did you put some sleeping chemical in it?" She asked with a hesitated. She could never be any more safe than she was and she didn't like to take things from people because she never knew where it came from or what they put in anything.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane really could not help but to laugh, “Yeah well, you know. I do it because I was an officer of the law and even though most rules may no longer apply, I still do what I was trained to do. It’s just natural.” When she said she would scream for ice cream if she saw one that made him lift his brows in amusement, he even fought off the urge to crack up. He just shook his head but smiled anyway. His mood was starting to surprise him.

Shane thought about what she said about herself and her sister. He shrugged his shoulders, “That might be true, but your street smart girl. If you wasn’t then neither of you would have made it this far. ” He nodded at her slightly, then added, ”Don’t be so quick to sell yourself so short. I think you would have to be creative and independent in a time like this. I know what you mean but it’s get to be a hassle moving around all the time like band of gypsys.”

When she made the comment about the water he flashed a grin that showed off all his pearly whites and was the kind of grin that showed in his eyes too. ”That is what I am talking about right there, smart girl. Never take anything from a stranger.” He reached down and whisked a bottle from the bag, twisted the top off and held it up and poured some water in his mouth without touching the bottle to his lips and swallowed. He put the top back on the water bottle and sat it down.

“Tastes clean to me. By the way, you don’t have to call me sr. you can call me Shane if you like.” He made no move toward her but he did shift his weight from one foot to the other. ”You know, if you wanted to you can come with me the next time I go for water, draw your own for you and your sister. I’ll even show you how to make sure it are clean that way you won’t have to wonder if you’re getting clean water. It will be one more thing you can do on your own.” He wondered if she was going to be able to tell he was trying to help make her feel a part of something and independent at the same time.

[beatrix]

OK she began to think and he was right as an officer and if he was still following the rules of an officer maybe he wasn't like any other stranger. She just had to learn to trust him and that was it other than that maybe she would look up to him for for grown up supervision and let him in on how she worked even though she was thinking that he understood how she worked. "So wait does that mean that if you still see a bad guy that isn't a walker are you going to taise him?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. She was just curious because she knew officers arrested the bad guys and didn't keep them around fr committing a crime.

She looked at him and couldn't agree more with him. She was pretty smart and knowing how to keep her sister and her alive and how to thrive through this mess. "I guess your right, i just don't want to see anything happen to her. I mean after our parents died and turned into those nasty smelling things i knew we had to get out of Boston and find ourselves a new home." She said. It was like he had clicked on a icon that made Beatrix open up about everything and a new side of her was starting to come out of the cracks. "Except the people around here don't have instruments with them because playing a musical note can just set off walker's." She couldn't help herself but say that but she understood and knew what he was talking about.

She let out another soft giggle. of course she wasn't going to take anything from stranger's. Before her parents died they had taught both of their kids not to do anything that deal with strangers like taking things from them. "Shane that is common sense though for any little kid even an adult. You never take something from them unless you checked it out and know that it is safe." She added. She wasn't stupid and this was why she kept her distance from most people.

She just looked at him and then back at her journal again and then back at him again. "Are you trying to bribe me so i can go get water with you and then you can shove me into whatever and tell everyone i got killed?" She asked him with her eye brows still cocked.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane looked up with a cocked brow and touched his chin when she said something about him throwing her in, “Let me think about that one.” He stood there like that for almost a minuet pretending to think. At last he looked at her and shook his head, “Nah, I don’t think that would be very becoming of an officer of the law would it?” He smiled and added, “I don’t have my taiser with me anymore but I will restrain anyone who poses a threat to anyone here. Mr. Rick is also an officer of the law and does what he can to keep an eye on things.”

Shane smirked, “It may be common since but there is a lot of people who don’t have much of that left.” He shrugged his shoulders and said more to himself and as a joke, “And your right, I don’t think anyone around here knows how to play an instruments besides I don’t think me or Rick would be that pretty in a dress trying to dance for money.” He laughed a little, ”Don’t think to think about that, you will be scared for life and I am only joking, I would never but Rick might.”

Shane stood there and looked around a sec, ”You picked a nice place to come too.” He then looked back at her, “I can tell you want to get back to your thoughts. I can go if you want me too.” He kind of hoped that she would say something else that might keep him there a little longer or she would say she would come back to the camp. He really didn’t like it when anyone was away too long.

He hated to admit it to himself, but he even worried about the redneck when he wondered off for hours on end. He would never admit that to anyone ever. He would also never go looking for him to bring him back; the redneck still owed him an arrow in the ass from some time ago. Shane glanced around him a bit and then settled down; he put that thought out of his head at once.

[beatrix]

As she saw him standing there thinking about the question that she had just asked him she just looked him up and down awaiting a answer from the guy that was an officer when everyone use to be alive. "But wait then you can shoot walkers that use to be human and all, but when there is a bad guy around camp you would just let him near us? What if just what if he was raping someone in the tent or in the woods? Then what?" She quickly asked before he added the second part.

She nodded her head in an oh. "Oh so that means if you see a guy with a shovel your just going to put some handcuffs on him then or what, if he seems like a thread? Or you know for a punishment you can always feed him to a hoard of zombies too." She said with a laugh. She was joking about that part even though it would be a sight to see even though it would be that great seeing someone get limb by limb torn off.

Beatrix looked at him oddly. She was trying to figure out why he was being so nice to her. She was kinda strange in her own way and she didn't understand why he would joke about wearing skirts and all, but it was whatever now and they were having a very interesting conversation and all, and it seemed for the very first time in a long time she could in a way trust another person besides her Lil sister of course. "Yeah seeing two men in skirts and corsets that is so hot." She joked letting out another giggle. "Sir...i mean Shane why are you being so nice to me though? Usually i have people who tell me to get a move on or that they don't want my sister or myself around?" She decided to ask but add a little white lie in the mix. It wasn't true that people told her sister and her to buzz off but she wanted to hear what he had to say and all.

She looked down at the ground and then back up at him. It was great having some company around and the former Officer was pretty hilarious anyways. "No you can stay if you really wanna stay with a bum like me. Thats only if you want. I mean if you have to go and see the other campers too then you can just leave me here, i don't mind." She said to him in a gentle tone of voice. She was really enjoying his company now unlike anyones else's company.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane thought about her questions regarding his role in the camp and dealing with would be law breakers. He knew she was only joking about them feeding offenders to zombies but at the same time it troubled him. He gave a small smile and shrugged his shoulders, ”We all try to look after each other here. We all may not like each other or trust each other, but none of us really wants to see anyone else hurt or killed. We have a rule, we do not kill the living, its Rick’s rule but we all go by it. If, on the chance, someone does try to hurt someone, that person has a right to defend themselves. We all carry something at all times to protect ourselves. In the past I have had to tie someone to a tree, but it was only until they settled down and went back to being themselves.”

Shane listened to her talk about the treatment she and her sister had gotten from people in the past. Shane could relate in a way, he knew what it was like to be passed over or ignored. He’s eyes sifted to the ground while he chose his words carefully. He rubbed his chin and then the back of his neck before looking at her again, ”You understand that most of the time when someone treats someone else the way others have treated you and your sisters it’s because they have lost so much themselves that the idea of having to be responsible for someone else’s lives becomes too much for them, since they are having a hard time saving themselves.” He paused and watched her a little longer before taking a deep breath and going on, ”Not everyone is like that.”

He gave her a small smile before going on, ”Why am I nice to you? I’d say it was my job, but that’s not the truth. The truth is everyone deserves a little understanding and a little kindness. In some ways you remind me of myself. You’re just trying to do right by you and your little sister and I respect that. Also, just want you to know, yes, the world is a scary place right now, but there is still people left who would do anything in the world to protect you and why would they? Because everyone deserves a fighting chance.” He hoped she would understand what he was telling her. It was his truth.

Shane felt for this girl, he moved his gun from his back and leaned it against the tree before lowering himself to the base of the tree and folding his arms across his chest with his legs stretched out in front of him but crossed at the ankles. ”You’re not a bum and I can’t think of anything else I would rather be doing right now than sitting in a lovely spot in the woods, besides I think Rick can handle things right now.” He gave her a nice large grin and started to look around again, yup, this was a nice spot.

[beatrix]

While she listened to him speak she just nodded her head. She knew that everyone wanted to protect themselves and all but in her mind she thought that the younger generation should come first because they could also be responsible for the future generations to come but that was just what she thought and nothing more. "But what if the living tries to kill another living person? Are you just going to stand there or would you actually do something about it?" She asked him with her eyebrows raised up. "Oh wait that crazy guy that was digging right? I heard a story about that night and about a bunch of walker's came to camp and kill a few other survivors." Beatrix said at first thinking it was just a myth that wasn't true but now maybe it really did happen.

She continued to listen to him speak but she felt like she just had to let him onto something that way if those boys ever showed up he could protect her along with her baby sis. "But wait when Lil and i were in Texas there were these two guys that acted like they wanted to protect us, but when Lil went to bed and i pretended to sleep they were talking with one another and they were planning on abandoning us or using us so they could get away and leave us for the walker's to eat." She told him and all she was hoping was that he would take her word and make sure those men never came close to this area never ever. "Some people put up an act that they are truly good when they are pure evil." She added with her arms raised in the air.

She thought about what he said and smiled. "Well i guess that makes the two of us, do you have any family left or that you never knew about?" She suddenly asked but she was just being her curious self and wanted to know if this Shane guy had any family what so ever. "Well on another note it seems like you and that Mr. Rick guy are close buds and everything good thing he isn't dead or else you would be doing all of the work." She added and stood herself up keeping her journal close.

[curiousbuttons]

Shane sighed, he really didn’t like thinking about the night when they lost so many people. A part of him blamed Rick for what happened. He thought that if Rick had stayed then maybe there would have been more people around to protect the camp, he regretted letting Rick take Daryl (god help him) with him, in his mind he should have roped them both to a tree. He never would admit it but the redneck was good with a crossbow and was useful. At last Shane shook himself out of his thinking and decided to say something. ”If someone actually tried to kill someone, major action would be taken. Shooting the person or wounding beyond healing them, in anyway could be dangerous since those things can hear so much better than we can. Who knows how many are leaving the cities now.” He knew that was not a good answer, she wanted to know what he would do.

”If I saw someone trying to kill another member of the camp and they were not dead but alive, I would do something, I wouldn’t just stand there and let them hurt anyone. What I would do? I can’t say, I don’t know.” that was the truth, he didn’t know until he did it. Right about then he wished he did have his taiser still. Shane made a mental note that he may need to see if he can locate one the next time they scout a town or something, it would be useful. When she spoke of Jim, Shane closed his eyes and sighed, he looked at her and nodded, “Jim was his name. When he had come to us he had lost his whole family. He was a decent man despite what he went though, the day that he was digging holes he said he had a dream and he knew he had to dig. When asked what it was about he said he didn’t remember. Later on, after the attack was when he said he remembered what he dreamed and why he dug the holes.”

Shane didn’t know why he told her that, maybe it was because he wanted her to know the truth about it. He listened to her talk about the boys with a cocked head and hard concentration. He did not like the sound of those boys at all and thought she was right to get away, he held back his comments but nodded his head, when she was done that was when he decided to speak, ”Yeah, sometimes that happens. It’s not right but it happens. It’s my job to make sure nothing like that happens here.” Shane smiled a little, “Yeah, me and Rick we have been friends since high school, we where partners when he came to work at the police department. We might not always agree and we might but heads but in the end, Rick knows what’s best.” Shane could not help the sarcasm when he said Rick knew best.

Shane paused before answering her about his family, ”To tell you the truth, I just don’t know. I mean I wasn’t married and I don’t have children of my own… Everyone else in the family I lost touch with and then when all this happened, there wasn’t time to act, ya know?” Shane did not want to admit that he worried about some members of his family and hoped they were still alive somewhere.

[beatrix]

While she listened to him speak she just thought though. There were dangerous consequences everywhere but she wanted to know if someone was bitten then what kind of action they would take. "Mr. Shane what if someone was bitten? Would you end their misery or what exactly? Sorry about all of these questions and all, but i just wanna know how safe Lillian and i are in general and if we need to move away from this area." Beatrix finally told him. She still didn't really trust anyone even though she was going out of the way to start trusting Shane. "Ugh please do not mention that those walkers are leaving the cities that just means that we better find a safer place if that is the case." She told him with a tone of braveness.

She simply just listened to him speak and nodded her head. It was best that she listened to every single word he was saying then bluring out the things that she didn't want to hear. "What you should do is handcuff them to a vehicle without any weapons." She stated even though she knew that was a cruel punishment in the mess that they were now living in. A question came to her head when he told her that story of Jim. "But then why was he digging those holes? So that the walker's would fall into them or what?" She asked not understanding why someone would just dig around.

When she listened to him talk about his Officer friend Rick she could hear the sarcasmn and felt like something seemed up but she wasn't going to say what he thought would be up because it wasn't really any of her business. "But maybe Rick doesn't always know best, i mean i'm not talking smack about him or anything, but isn't he the reason why all of those people got killed? Maybe you should start saying you know best instead of your friend." She commented but she tried her best not to make it sound so harsh but in the end she couldn't help herself.

She then thought of another question to ask. "But do you have any siblings or anyone that is close to that at all? Honestly you would have made a great father you know." She said and was being honest he seemed like someone she could always talk and he listened like any father would. She was hoping that maybehe had some family left after this outbreak but there was no answer if he still did or not.